i hope revving your motorcycle engine in the middle of the night made you feel better about your small penis
New makeup line for men including:
Either this family has no idea how green screen souvenir photos work or they know EXACTLY how they work.
apparently e.l. james called former child star mara wilson (matilda) a “sad f**k” for critiquing the 50shades books a while ago and now there’s a feud. i love it.
at a hella cool castle
the groom channeled Thranduil and the Baratheons
the bridesmaids were elf maidens
the court jester and town crier were there
the cakes were gorgeous
luckily a friar was passing through town who was able to officiate (“mawwaige,” he said, “is what bwings us togevver today”)
the bride’s chariot was pulled by the most beautiful creature
unfortunately, as with all medieval weddings, there is the dragon problem
OMG LOOK AT THIS THING
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME I’M SEEING A HUMMINGBIRD MOTH
OH MY GOD
IT’S SO FUCKING HAPPY TO BE ALIVE
“I’M A FLUFFY MOTH AND I AM OKAY WITH THAT”
IT’S SO CUTE
OH MY GOD
So the only reasonable way I saw fit to calm my feelings about this movie was a simple solution. DRAW ALL THE DRAGONS. Guys go see HTTYD 2, hands down it was probably the best animated film I’ve seen in a while.
THE QUALITY OF THE MUSIC IS AMAZING WITH MY NEW BEETS BY DRE!
YOU GUYS KNOW HOW LONG I’VE BEEN PLANNING THIS JOKE?!
I BOUGHT THE SEEDS FOR THE BEETS IN APRIL!!!
It’s 11:30 pm and I need raw cookie dough like I need air in my lungs.
I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna drive to Wal-Mart at midnight in my pajamas and buy a roll of cookie dough because I’m an adult with my own money who gets to make his own decisions.
I am so, so proud of you.
When kids ask me what its like to be an adult, I will show them this post. Thank you.